Delivered-To: tyrion.skynet@gmail.com Received: by 10.101.66.19 with SMTP id t19cs78787ank; Thu, 5 Feb 2009 16:19:56 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.210.58.17 with SMTP id g17mr790451eba.149.1233879594749; Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:19:54 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: Received: from gir.skynet (gir.skynet [193.1.99.77]) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id 6si2661124ewy.75.2009.02.05.16.19.53; Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:19:54 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of tyrionskynet designates 193.1.99.77 as permitted sender) client-ip=193.1.99.77; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of tyrionskynet designates 193.1.99.77 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=tyrionskynet Received: by gir.skynet (Postfix, from userid 3252) id 5B0BF12453; Fri, 6 Feb 2009 00:19:53 +0000 (GMT) X-Original-To: tyrionskynet Delivered-To: tyrionskynet Received: from scharrer-online.de (scharrer-online.de [92.51.161.83]) (using TLSv1 with cipher ADH-AES256-SHA (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) by gir.skynet (Postfix) with ESMTPS id C77051243D for ; Fri, 6 Feb 2009 00:19:52 +0000 (GMT) Received: from [0.0.0.0] (scharrer-online.de [92.51.161.83]) by scharrer-online.de (Postfix) with ESMTPA id D00631334C002; Fri, 6 Feb 2009 01:19:48 +0100 (CET) Date: Fri, 06 Feb 2009 00:19:56 +0000 From: Martin Scharrer User-Agent: Thunderbird 2.0.0.19 (X11/20090105) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: tyrionskynet Subject: LaTeX Poster Content-Type: multipart/mixed; boundary="------------040605000802080603060501" This is a multi-part message in MIME format. --------------040605000802080603060501 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="------------040407020809080807080406" --------------040407020809080807080406 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Hi, I had a second look at your LaTeX file for the poster. I fixed the problem with the \vfill's (see below) and added a macro to typeset each page. Have a look at the attached source file. Just some additional hints for future LaTeX documents: * \vfill or \hfill needs at least an empty box (\hbox{}) when at the start or end of a page or line, respectively. * Use \newpage or \clearpage (clears floats) to end pages. \pagebreak is more a suggestion and allows for an optional argument ala \pagebreak[1], which can go from 1 (maybe a pagebreak) over 3 (you should really break the page here) to 4 (force pagebreak). Same is true for \newline and \linebreak. Two \clearpage's after each other don't cause an empty page. Use an empty box between them if you really want one. * \centering instead of \begin{center} \end{center} in most cases. I also use \centerline{...} (makes a single centered line) for images. * Define your own macros for stuff which repeats: \newcommand{\mycommand}[number of arguments]{ .... #1 <- first argument } * You can use own counters for numbering: \newcounter{mycount}, \setcounter{mycount}{1} \addtocounter{mycount}{1} \refstepcounter{mycount} ... The automatic defined macro \themycount is then used to display the counter value. Redefine it using \renewcommand{\themycount}{ ... } Best, Martin --------------040407020809080807080406 Content-Type: text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Hi,

I had a second look at your LaTeX file for the poster.
I fixed the problem with the \vfill's (see below) and added a macro to typeset each page. Have a look at the attached source file.

Just some additional hints for future LaTeX documents:

Best,
Martin

--------------040407020809080807080406-- --------------040605000802080603060501 Content-Type: text/x-tex; name="xkcd_poster_4_new.tex" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Content-Disposition: inline; filename="xkcd_poster_4_new.tex" \documentclass[a4paper,12pt]{letter} \usepackage[pdftex]{graphicx} \graphicspath{{imgs/}} \usepackage[left=1cm,top=3cm,right=1cm,bottom=5.5cm]{geometry} \usepackage{fancyhdr} \usepackage[absolute]{textpos} \pagestyle{fancy} \fancyhead{} \fancyfoot{} \fancyhead[L]{Computer Science and Information Systems Building, UL} \fancyhead[R]{2009/02/14} \fancyfoot[C]{\small Randall Munroe, author of xkcd, will be giving a talk as part of Skycon '09 on Saturday, February 14\textsuperscript{th} (week 3) in UL's CSIS building. Skycon is hosted by the University of Limerick Computer Society. \vspace{5mm} \\ \includegraphics[width=.8\linewidth, keepaspectratio]{logo/skycon_09_logo5000.png} \\ \Large For more information visit http://skycon.skynet/} \newcounter{xkcd} \renewcommand{\thexkcd}{xkcd \#\arabic{xkcd}:\ } \newcommand{\poster}[3]{% \clearpage \vbox to \textheight{ \centering \hbox{} \vfill \noindent \LARGE \textbf{\refstepcounter{xkcd}\thexkcd #1} \vspace{5mm} \includegraphics[width=1\linewidth, height=16cm, keepaspectratio]{#2} \vspace{2mm} \noindent \large [#3] \vfill \hbox{} } \clearpage } \begin{document} \poster{Barrel - Part 1}{barrel_cropped_(1).jpg}{Don't we all.} \poster{Petit Trees (sketch)}{tree_cropped_(1).jpg}{'Petit' being a reference to Le Petit Prince, which I only thought about halfway through the sketch} \poster{Island (sketch)}{island_color.jpg}{Hello, island} \poster{Landscape (sketch)}{landscape_cropped_(1).jpg}{There's a river flowing through the ocean} \poster{Blown apart}{blownapart_color.jpg}{Blown into prime factors} \poster{Irony}{irony_color.jpg}{It's commonly known that too much perspective can be a downer.} \poster{Girl sleeping (Sketch -- 11th grade Spanish class)}{girl_sleeping_noline_(1).jpg}{I don't remember her name at all, but she fell asleep on the floor in front of me.} \poster{Red spiders}{red_spiders_small.jpg}{They are six-legged spiders} \poster{Serenity is coming out tomorrow}{firefly.jpg}{Mal, Simon, Wash, Zoe, River, Kaylee, Jayne, Inara, Book.} \poster{Pi Equals}{pi.jpg}{My most famous drawing, and one of the first I did for the site} \poster{Barrel - Part 2}{barrel_mommies.jpg}{Awww.} \poster{Poisson}{poisson.jpg}{Poisson distributions have no value over negative numbers} \poster{Canyon}{canyon_small.jpg}{They're standing at the lip of the canyon, which isn't clear at all.} \poster{Copyright}{copyright.jpg}{After reading Slashdot and BoingBoing, sometimes I have to go outside.} \poster{Just Alerting You}{just_alerting_you.jpg}{Just thought you should know} \poster{Monty Python -- Enough}{monty_python.jpg}{I went to a dinner where there was a full 10 minutes of Holy Grail quotes exchanged, with no context, in lieu of conversation. It depressed me badly.} \poster{What If}{what_if.jpg}{I once made an anniversary card for my then-girlfriend with this layout.} \poster{Snapple}{snapple.jpg}{Sn = tin} \poster{George Clinton}{george_clinton.jpg}{I still wish it were true.} \poster{Ferret}{ferret.jpg}{My brother had a ferret he loved which died since I drew this strip. RIP.} \poster{Kepler}{kepler.jpg}{Science joke. You should probably just move along.} \poster{Barrel - Part 3}{barrel_whirlpool.jpg}{A whirlpool!} \poster{T-shirts}{t-shirts.jpg}{It's depressing how many of these are real shirts} \poster{Godel, Escher, Kurt Halsey}{godel_escher_kurthalsey.jpg}{I love the idea here, though of course it's not a great-quality drawing or scan.} \poster{Barrel - Part 4}{barrel_part_4.jpg}{:(} \poster{Fourier}{fourier.jpg}{That cat has some serious periodic components} \poster{Meat Cereals}{meat_cereals.jpg}{Disgusting} \poster{Elefino}{elefino.jpg}{Hell if I know} \poster{Hitler}{hitler.jpg}{So he's saying that God thought Hitler's art was so bad that the Holocaust was an acceptable alternative. It's no secret that the hat guy is closely based on Aram, from Men in Hats.} \poster{Donner}{donner.jpg}{Some people haven't heard of the Donner Party. They were pioneers who got stranded and likely resorted to cannibalism.} \poster{Barrel - Part 5}{barrel_part_5.jpg}{Too good not to happen.} \poster{Pillar}{pillar.jpg}{A comic by my brother Doug, redrawn and rewritten by me} \poster{Self-reference}{self-reference.jpg}{I think about self-reference a lot. Example: this comment.} \poster{Flowers}{flowers.jpg}{This is actually pencil on paper, just inverted and colored} \poster{Sheep}{sheep.jpg}{I think it's the sheep zapping the cactus and not vice-versa} \poster{Scientists}{scientists.jpg}{A leading expert characterized the situation as 'retarded'} \poster{Hyphen}{hyphen.jpg}{I do this constantly} \poster{Apple Jacks}{apple_jacks.jpg}{There used to be these ads, see . . .} \poster{Bowl}{bowl.jpg}{For the moment it's a standoff} \poster{Light}{light.jpg}{Like a beacon} \poster{Old Drawing}{unspeakable_pun.jpg}{I don't want to talk about it} \poster{Geico}{geico.jpg}{David did this} \poster{Red Spiders 2}{red_spiders_2.jpg}{This was actually drawn years before Red Spiders} \poster{Love}{love.jpg}{This one makes me wince every time I think about it} \poster{Schrodinger}{schrodinger.jpg}{There was no alt-text until you moused over} \poster{Secrets}{secrets.jpg}{I'm a big fan of Kurt Halsey} \poster{Counter-Red Spiders}{counter-red-spiders.jpg}{I hope we can stop them} \poster{Found}{found.jpg}{No more, no less} \poster{Want}{want.jpg}{Well, she's pretty hot.} \poster{Penny Arcade}{penny_arcade.jpg}{Of course, Penny Arcade has already mocked themselves for this. They don't care.} \poster{Malaria}{malaria.jpg}{The malaria party was David's idea} \poster{Secret Worlds}{secret_worlds.jpg}{No two adjacent circles are the same color.} \poster{Hobby}{hobby.jpg}{The only one of these games I really played was Area 51} \poster{Science}{science.jpg}{Bonus points if you can identify the science in question} \poster{Useless}{useless.jpg}{Even the identity matrix doesn't work normally} \poster{The Cure}{the_cure.jpg}{My first try at drawing a real face in years} \poster{Wait For Me}{wait_for_me.jpg}{Opening dialogue by Scott} \poster{Why Do You Love Me?}{why_do_you_love_me.jpg}{Opening dialogue by Scott} \poster{Graduation}{graduation.jpg}{Opening dialogue by Scott} \poster{Super Bowl}{super_bowl.jpg}{The Super Bowl is actually an elaborate ruse, concocted by a shadowy group in the mid sixties for this purpose. The 'watch it for the ads' addition was a master stroke.} \poster{Stacey's Dad}{staceys_dad.jpg}{I bet she gets you to mow the lawn, doesn't she?} \poster{Valentine - Karnaugh}{karnaugh.jpg}{Love and circuit analysis, hand in hand at last.} \poster{Valentine - Heart}{valentine.jpg}{Just pretend you're kidding.} \poster{Solar Plexus}{solar_plexus.jpg}{It hurts to be hit there, you know} \poster{Banter}{banter.jpg}{This was an actual mock conversation between me and a friend at TGiF. The waitress walked up around panel 5 and was somewhat put off.} \poster{Abusive Astronomy}{abusive_astronomy.jpg}{Medium: Pencil on paper} \poster{Nerd Girls}{nerd_girls.jpg}{Nothing personal, high schoolers.} \poster{Five Thirty}{five_thirty.jpg}{The 8th panel is my favorite} \poster{Pillow Talk}{pillow_talk.jpg}{Maybe I should've tried Wexler?} \poster{Guitar Hero}{guitar_hero.jpg}{And then do it again in a moment now that they're out of Star Power} \poster{In the Trees}{in_the_trees.jpg}{It was tricky.} \poster{Classhole}{classhole.jpg}{A term coined by my friend Beth} \poster{Zeppelin}{zeppelin.jpg}{A tribute to Buttercup Festival} \poster{Su Doku}{su_doku.jpg}{This one is from the Red Belt collection, of 'medium' difficulty.} \poster{Curse Levels}{curse_levels.jpg}{I find so much fun in language.} \poster{Familiar}{familiar.jpg}{:(} \poster{Bored with the Internet}{bored_with_the_internet.jpg}{I used to do this all the time.} \poster{Garfield}{garfield.jpg}{The use of the 'Garfield' character for the purposes of this parody qualifies as fair use under the Copyright Act of 1976, 17 U.S.C. sec. 107. See Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music (92-1292), 510 U.S. 569} \poster{Iambic Pentameter}{iambic_pentameter.jpg}{Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. That could get pretty difficult.} \poster{My Other Car}{other_car.jpg}{It's much better than the other one.} \poster{Attention, shopper}{attention_shopper.jpg}{There's a red convertible outside my building with the license plate 'DADS MNY'.} \poster{Frame}{frame.jpg}{...} \poster{Katamari}{katamari.jpg}{As the King of All Cosmos remarked, 'Is it that it's fun, or that it lets you forget yourself?'} \poster{National Language}{national_language.jpg}{She's pretty sharp when provoked.} \poster{Paths}{paths.jpg}{It's true, I think about this all the time.} \poster{Digital Rights Management}{sony_microsoft_mpaa_riaa_apple.jpg}{If you're interested in the subject, Lawrence Lessig's 'Free Culture' is pretty good} \poster{Velociraptors}{velociraptors.jpg}{You're probably thinking, 'has it been a decade?' It's been over thirteen years, buddy.} \poster{Escher Bracelet}{escher_wristband.jpg}{The only downside is that it would be a little uncomfortable} \poster{Gravitational Mass}{gravitational_mass.jpg}{She's so fat the attraction goes up as the CUBE of the distance instead of the square} \poster{Jacket}{jacket.jpg}{We have this conversation at least once a day in my apartment} \poster{Pwned}{pwned.png}{I'm sure a discussion of the reason for the disappearance of adventure games in favor of RPGs would be fascinating} \poster{Sunrise}{sunrise.jpg}{Sometimes, I sit on top of parking decks and watch the sun rise. I feel like I should have a guitar or something.} \poster{Jeremy Irons}{jeremy_irons.jpg}{Movies that I know word-for-word, part one} \poster{Profile Creation Flowchart}{profile_flowchart.jpg}{This one goes out to xxCrazyPixie1987xx} \poster{The Sierpinski Penis Game}{the_sierpinski_penis_game.jpg}{Inappropriate places for the Penis Game include baby showers and terrorist attacks} \poster{Mail}{mail.png}{I'm on the USPS No Fly List} \poster{A Simple Plan}{a_simple_plan.jpg}{This is true. The lyrics are ridiculous.} \poster{Fall Apart}{fall_apart.jpg}{\#pugglewumper Tashari got me some ink pens! I've been experimenting with them.} \poster{Binary Heart}{binary_heart.jpg}{i love you} \poster{Family Circus}{family_circus.jpg}{This was my friend David's idea} \poster{Laser Scope}{laser_scope.jpg}{I wish I'd missed you then so I wouldn't be missing you now} \poster{Back to the Future}{back_to_the_future.jpg}{He's kind of an asshole, when you think about it} \poster{Moral Relativity}{moral_relativity.jpg}{It's science!} \poster{Find You}{find_you.jpg}{I'm like the Terminator, except with love!} \poster{Parallel Universe}{parallel_universe.jpg}{It's possible. Better to be on the safe side.} \poster{Wright Brothers}{wright_brothers.png}{I'm not sure if this is actually true} \poster{Snakes on a Plane! 2}{snakes_on_a_plane_2.jpg}{James suggested this, and I have to agree. It'd be much worse.} \poster{M.C. Hammer Slide}{mc_hammer_slide.png}{Once, long ago, I saw this girl go by. I didn't stop and talk to her, and I've regretted it ever since.} \poster{Spoiler Alert}{spoiler_alert.png}{And then it turns out they're both Tyler Durden.} \poster{Clark Gable}{clark_gable.jpg}{Frankly, my dear, I don't give a BITCH ASS SHIT FUCK DAMN} \poster{Firefox and Witchcraft - The Connection?}{firefox_wicca.png}{ThisadpaidforbythecounciltopromoteMicrosoftandChristianity. Remember, The Bible is Closed Source.} \poster{Baring My Heart}{baring_my_heart.png}{I'm just trying to explain, please don't be jealous! Man, why are all my relationships ruined by early 90's rappers?} \poster{Riemann-Zeta}{riemann-zeta.jpg}{The graph is of the magnitude of the function with the real value between 0 and 2 and the imaginary between about 35 and 40. I've misplaced the exact parameters I used.} \poster{Computational Linguists}{computational_linguists.png}{Chomskyists, generative linguists, and Ryan North, your days are numbered.} \poster{Meerkat}{meerkat.jpg}{Gorilla, yes. Adorable golden retriever, yes. But it says nothing about meerkats.} \poster{City}{city.jpg}{God, she's such a whore.} \poster{Pong}{pong.png}{Following this, the pong paddle went on a mission to destroy Atari headquarters and, due to a mixup, found himself inside the game The Matrix Reloaded. Boy, was THAT ever hard to explain to him.} \poster{50 Ways}{50_ways.png}{I woke up to find that I had scrawled the last line of this sleepily on a sheet of paper on my desk. I shouldn't have listened to the 70's hit marathon on the way home from work the night before.} \poster{Worst Band Name Ever}{hedgeclipper.jpg}{You can just see his dejection as he realizes he's the lead guitar in 'Hedgeclipper'} \poster{Dating Service}{dating_service.png}{I don't understand why people are so disingenuous! I just want someone to walk with!} \poster{Balloon}{balloon.png}{So I'm a bad person.} \poster{Quirky Girls}{quirky_girls.png}{Romantic comedy heroines, I'm talking to you.} \poster{Centrifugal Force}{centrifugal_force.png}{You spin me right round, baby, right round, in a manner depriving me of an inertial reference frame. Baby.} \poster{Blogofractal}{blogofractal.png}{Edward Tufte's 'The Visual Display of Quantitative Information' is a fantastic book, and should be required reading for anyone in either the sciences or graphic design.} \poster{Marketing Interview}{marketing_interview.png}{There are a lot of books on marketing out there. I wonder if you're safest just buying the most popular one.} \poster{Red Spiders Cometh}{red_spiders_cometh.jpg}{Uh-oh.} \poster{The Fast and the Furious}{the_fast_and_the_furious.jpg}{Sometimes when I steer shopping carts around corners, I slide them a little and pretend I'm getting the blue spark boost.} \poster{dPain over dt}{dPain_over_dt.png}{You laugh to keep from crying, you do math to keep from crying . . .} \poster{Content Protection}{content_protection.png}{If you think the purveyors of DRM simply want to protect artists, check out chapters 13 and 14 in Free Culture, by Lawrence Lessig. Their goal is the elimination of all culture they don't control.} \poster{Julia Stiles}{julia_stiles.jpg}{I found an old tape of this episode in my family's closet. Check the news section of the forums to see the clip!} \poster{Fans}{fans.png}{It's not going to break the fan, bouncing a rubber ball off the wall isn't going to dent it, and the roof can hold me just fine. You LIED!} \poster{Music Knowledge}{music_knowledge.png}{When Guitar Hero 2 comes out I'll have fresh conversational material for MONTHS.} \poster{The Raven}{the_raven.jpg}{Yes, Eminem is wearing a sleeveless hoodie. What of it?} \poster{Myspace}{myspace.png}{It's like they got together and said 'what do we miss most from the internet in 1998? that's right, embedded MIDI!'} \poster{Substitute}{substitute.png}{YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?} \poster{Science Fair}{science_fair.png}{This project actually inspired a two-hour powerpoint presentation that Al Gore gave around the country.} \poster{Dreams}{dreams.png}{In Connor's second thesis it is stated 'There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.' Does the routine destroy our creativity or do we lose creativity and fall into the routine? Anyway, who's up for a road trip!} \poster{Pointers}{pointers.png}{Every computer, at the unreachable memory address 0x-1, stores a secret. I found it, and it is that all humans ar-- SEGMENTATION FAULT.} \poster{I Have Owned Two Electric Skateboards}{electric_skateboards.png}{Both the skateboards I owned were pretty cheap and broke from heavy use; I'm gonna get a really nice one if I move to the city.} \poster{Delicious}{delicious.png}{I'm currently in the I Have Cheese phase of this cycle.} \poster{Parody Week: Achewood}{achewood.png}{I always wanted to impress them with how well I could hear, didn't you? Also, this sets the record for number of awkward-pause panels in one strip (previously held by Achewood)} \poster{Parody Week: Megatokyo}{megaxkcd.png}{I just want to give him a hug or something.} \poster{Parody Week: TFD and Natalie Dee}{tfd_nataliedee.png}{Although bees with tires would be kinda funny.} \poster{Parody Week: A Softer World}{a_softer_robot.jpg}{The robot is pregnant. It isn't mine.} \poster{Parody Week: Dinosaur Comics}{dinosaur_comics.png}{Guys: while I was writing this, I accidentally swallowed a table-sized slab of drywall. I know! Wacky.} \poster{Join Myspace}{join_myspace.png}{I really shouldn't abuse that power so heavily.} \poster{A Way So Familiar}{a_way_so_familiar.png}{Two Hedwig references, an obscure Joey Comeau reference, and a girl with a mohawk. Yes.} \poster{Mispronouncing}{mispronouncing.png}{My pal Emad does this all the time. 'Hey man, which way to the airpart?'} \poster{Sandwich}{sandwich.png}{Proper User Policy apparently means Simon Says.} \poster{Grownups}{grownups.png}{I've looked into this, and I can't figure out a way to do it cheaply. And I guess it wouldn't be sanitary.} \poster{Mario}{mario.png}{Why would anyone ever, ever say that? Please, nobody ever say that.} \poster{Hamster Ball}{hamster_ball.png}{Reportedly, double-walled inflatable balls like this exist somewhere. Now to find that place.} \poster{Cryptography}{cryptography.png}{If you got a big keyspace, let me search it.} \poster{Beliefs}{beliefs.jpg}{Scientists are also sexy, let's not forget that.} \poster{Search History}{search_history.png}{SomethingAwful has a wonderful compilation of crazy AOL searches in their Weekend Web archives, 2006-08-13.} \poster{Commented}{commented.png}{Your IDE's color may vary.} \poster{Filler Art}{filler_art.png}{Maybe I should let up on Megatokyo a little?} \poster{Six Months}{six_months.png}{But then she does that thing with her tongue and I remember why I left you.} \poster{Boombox}{boombox.png}{And she's gonna feel like a jerk when she realizes it was actually Under Pressure.} \poster{Penny Arcade Parody}{penny_arcade_parody.png}{No one show this to Tycho's wife, okay?} \poster{Accident}{accident.png}{As far as treachery-as-driving-music goes, Katamari music is matched only by Guitar Hero music.} \poster{Angular Momentum}{angular_momentum.jpg}{With reasonable assumptions about latitude and body shape, how much time might she gain them? Note: whatever the answer, sunrise always comes too soon. (Also, is it worth it if she throws up?)} \poster{Donald Knuth}{donald_knuth.png}{His books were kinda intimidating; rappelling down through his skylight seemed like the best option.} \poster{Playing Devil's Advocate to Win}{global_warming.png}{There are so many well-meaning conservatives around here who just assume global warming is only presented as a moral issue for political reasons.} \poster{Turn Signals}{turn_signals.png}{I'm not very good at meeting people.} \poster{Misusing Slang}{misusing_slang.png}{It slowly dawns on us that our parents knew exactly what they were doing.} \poster{Nihilism}{nihilism.png}{Why can't you have normal existential angst like all the other boys?} \poster{Reverse Euphemisms}{reverse_euphemisms.png}{I'm still waiting for a chance to use 'I have to see a man about a horse'.} \poster{Words that End in GRY}{words_that_end_in_gry.png}{The fifth panel also applies to postmodernists.} \poster{Turn Back}{turn_back.png}{I hear that these days Bill Watterson is happy just painting in the Ohio woods with his father and doesn't get any mail or talk to anyone.} \poster{String Theory}{string_theory.png}{This works on pretty much every level.} \poster{Skateboarding is Not a Crime}{skateboarding_is_not_a_crime.png}{'Arrest me, I'm a skateboarder' is an even more obnoxious variant.} \poster{Movie Seating}{movie_seating.png}{It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down.} \poster{That's What SHE Said}{thats_what_she_said.png}{Yes, I mean she said that during sex. Yes, it was a little weird.} \poster{Automatic Doors}{automatic_doors.png}{I hope no automatic doors I know read this. I would be so embarrassed.} \poster{Before Sunrise}{before_sunrise.png}{It's an amazing time of day; the light is great for photography.} \poster{Alice and Bob}{alice_and_bob.png}{Yet one more reason I'm barred from speaking at crypto conferences.} \poster{Not Really Into Pokemon}{not_really_into_pokemon.png}{As of this writing, Ubuntu 6.10 and Firefox 2.0 have left my computer a complete mess.} \poster{e to the pi times i}{e_to_the_pi_times_i.png}{I have never been totally satisfied by the explanations for why e to the ix gives a sinusoidal wave.} \poster{Canada}{canada.png}{IT'S ALL REAL} \poster{Interblag}{interblag.png}{Sometimes I hate the internet. Sometimes it makes me happy that 'The Tubes' has become slang for the internet so quickly.} \poster{Nash}{nash.png}{Maybe someday science will get over its giant collective crush on Richard Feynman. But I doubt it!} \poster{Snacktime Rules}{snacktime_rules.png}{I am not making this rule up. Although my mom wants you all to know it made perfect sense at the time.} \poster{Matrix Transform}{matrix_transform.png}{In fact, draw all your rotational matrices sideways. Your professors will love it! And then they'll go home and shrink.} \poster{Wikifriends}{wikifriends.png}{It's crazy how much my gut opinion of a movie/song is swayed by what other people say, regardless of how I felt coming out of the theater.} \poster{Console Lines}{console_lines.png}{If I get a Wii, it will be the first game console I've owned.} \poster{The Familiar}{the_familiar.png}{When I say we should do something sometime, I'm secretly hoping you'll say 'Why not now?'} \poster{Reload}{reload.png}{And watch out for that guy from comic \#53.} \poster{Exercise}{exercise.png}{I haven't had the patience for RPGs in a long time.} \poster{IPoD}{ipod.png}{For smaller numbers he has to SAVE lives. The birthrate channel is even more of a mixed bag.} \poster{Lojban}{lojban.png}{zo'o ta jitfa .i .e'o xu do pendo mi} \poster{Working for Google}{working_for_google.png}{I hear once you've worked there for 256 days they teach you the secret of levitation.} \poster{The Perfect Sound}{the_perfect_sound.png}{Oh, what a pity, can't you understand . . .} \poster{Penises}{penises.png}{The penis varies in size when flaccid and is pretty consistently about yea big when erect. Anyway, back to the sitcom one-liners and the constant flow of spam.} \poster{Map of the Internet}{map_of_the_internet.jpg}{For the IPv6 map just imagine the XP default desktop picture.} \poster{Command Line Fu}{command_line_fu.png}{When designing an interface, imagine that your program is all that stands between the user and hot, sweaty, tangled-bedsheets-fingertips-digging-into-the-back sex.} \poster{Ninja Turtles}{ninja_turtles.png}{The henchmen Bebop and Rocksteady have hijacked the musical genres for us just like the Lone Ranger hijacked the William Tell Overture for our parents.} \poster{Perspective}{perspective.png}{I wonder what I was dreaming to prompt that. I hope it wasn't the Richard Stallman Cirque de Soleil thing again.} \poster{Right-Hand Rule}{right_hand_rule.png}{To really expand your mind try some noncartesian porn. Edwin Abbot Abbott has nothing on 'Girls on Girls in Tightly Closed Nonorientable Spaces'.} \poster{Bill Nye}{bill_nye.png}{You could at least not wear the lab coat everywhere, dude.} \poster{Christmas GPS}{christmas_gps.png}{If it's over water, and you can't get a boat or revise the rules to preserve the makeout, there is no helping you.} \poster{YouTube}{youtube.png}{I pray GunPistolMan never learns the word 'sheeple'.} \poster{Hallucinations}{hallucinations.png}{And the possibility of lucid dreaming just makes it that much more fascinating.} \poster{America}{america.png}{The younger folk in the audience think this is a joke.} \poster{Candy Button Paper}{candy_button_paper.png}{Nonrewritable tape?} \poster{Reno Rhymes}{reno_rhymes.png}{Did you shoot a man in Reno? Now, I don't mean to pry.} \poster{What xkcd Means}{what_xkcd_means.png}{It means shuffling quickly past nuns on the street with ketchup in your palms, pretending you're hiding stigmata.} \poster{Regular Expressions}{regular_expressions.png}{Wait, forgot to escape a space. Wheeeeee[taptaptap]eeeeee.} \poster{Kayak}{kayak.png}{Man, there's future *everywhere*.} \poster{90's Flowchart}{90s_flowchart.png}{Freestyle rapping is basically applied Markov chains.} \poster{Hamster Ball Heist}{hamster_ball_heist.png}{First person to bring me Wayne Coyne in a hamster ball gets a free t-shirt! He gets one too.} \poster{Brain}{brain.png}{The rest is fear of raptors.} \poster{Ghostbusters Marathon}{ghostbusters_marathon.png}{If you walk out that door you'll be crossing the Rubicon with me, and that's one stream I'm not ready to cross.} \poster{The Problem with Wikipedia}{the_problem_with_wikipedia.png}{'Taft in a wet t-shirt contest' is the key image here.} \poster{Letting Go}{letting_go.png}{At least I never gave her the root password.} \poster{Romantic Drama Equation}{romantic_drama_equation.png}{Real-life prospective-pairing curves over things like age can get depressing.} \poster{e to the pi Minus pi}{e_to_the_pi_minus_pi.png}{Also, I hear the 4th root of (9\^2 + 19\^2/22) is pi.} \poster{Nintendo Surgeon}{nintendo_surgeon.png}{Scary thought \#138: Raptors coming down the waterslide behind me.} \poster{Blanket Fort}{blanket_fort.png}{Also, we have a fort out in the woods where we stashed that hooker's body.} \poster{Philosophy}{philosophy.png}{It's like the squirt bottle we use with the cat.} \poster{Random Number}{random_number.png}{RFC 1149.5 specifies 4 as the standard IEEE-vetted random number.} \poster{Small Talk}{small_talk.png}{But surely I owe you an accurate answer!} \poster{Valentine's Day}{valentines_day.jpg}{One of these days me and Joey Comeau will get around to subverting the hetero-normative paradigm and fixing all this.} \poster{Lisp}{lisp.jpg}{We lost the documentation on quantum mechanics. You'll have to decode the regexes yourself.} \poster{Open Source}{open_source.png}{Later we'll dress up like Big Oil thugs and jump Ralph Nader.} \poster{Swingset}{swingset.png}{Someone bring me a pocket fan so I can drift around the yard.} \poster{Color Codes}{color_codes.png}{(It's the TMBG Dial-a-Song line, to save you some time.)} \poster{Resonance}{resonance.png}{It's really hard to control the frequency, actually.} \poster{Graffiti}{graffiti.png}{FOR AN INTRIGUING TIME CALL} \poster{Hamiltonian}{hamiltonian.png}{The problem with perspective is that it's bidirectional.} \poster{Cat Proximity}{cat_proximity.png}{Yes you are! And you're sitting there! Hi, kitty!} \poster{Chess Enlightenment}{chess_enlightenment.png}{You know that 'sweep the pieces off the board and see it in your mind' thing? Doesn't work.} \poster{A New CAPTCHA Approach}{a_new_captcha_approach.png}{They'd use that Futurama episode with Fry's dog, but even spambots cry at that.} \poster{Escape Artist}{escape_artist.png}{Easier to escape: n-layered nested quotes or an iron maiden?} \poster{Kite}{kite.jpg}{It's easy to regret your awkward conversations but hard to regret the ones you didn't have.} \poster{Collecting Double-Takes}{collecting_double_takes.png}{Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: pregnancy test and single coat hanger.} \poster{Keyboards are Disgusting}{keyboards_are_disgusting.png}{Alternate method: convince them to pretend it's an Etch-a-Sketch and try to erase it.} \poster{Pet Peeve \#114}{pet_peeve_114.png}{I'm reading a goddamn book, thank you very much.} \poster{Blagofaire}{blagofaire.png}{Things were better before the Structuring and the Levels.} \poster{Dream Girl}{dream_girl.png}{No matter how elaborately you fool yourself.} \poster{Battle Room}{battle_room.png}{Bean actually sabotaged it just to give Dink the excuse to make that joke.} \poster{The Difference}{the_difference.png}{How could you choose avoiding a little pain over understanding a magic lightning machine?} \poster{Appropriate Term}{appropriate_term.png}{I know a lot of people hate these, but I prefer them to touchpads.} \poster{Tabletop Roleplaying}{tabletop_roleplaying.png}{I may have also tossed one of a pair of teleportation rings into the ocean, with interesting results.} \poster{Floor Tiles}{floor_tiles.png}{The worst part is when sidewalk cracks are out-of-sync with your natural stride.} \poster{Labyrinth Puzzle}{labyrinth_puzzle.png}{And the whole setup is just a trap to capture escaping logicians. None of the doors actually lead out.} \poster{Factoring the Time}{factoring_the_time.png}{I occasionally do this with mile markers on the highway.} \poster{Hypotheticals}{hypotheticals.png}{What if someone broke out of a hypothetical situation in your room right now?} \poster{Chess Photo}{chess_photo.png}{We once tried playing blindfold chess on the Aerosmith ride at Disney World.} \poster{Snopes}{snopes.png}{The MythBusters are even more sinister.} \poster{CD Tray Fight}{cd_tray_fight.png}{This is silly, of course. The enemy will be born in the network.} \poster{Escalators}{escalators.png}{The one time I tried, I got hit by a slinky going down at double speed.} \poster{Highway Engineer Pranks}{highway_engineer_pranks.png}{Prank \#11: Boston} \poster{Comic Fragment}{comic_fragment.jpg}{No one wants an explanation more than us. Except Ms. Garofalo.} \poster{Subjectivity}{subjectivity.png}{Or maybe the slide is like Aslan, and gets taller as I do (except without the feeling of discomfort when I reach my teens and suddenly get the Christ stuff.)} \poster{Online Communities}{online_communities_small.png}{I'm waiting for the day when, if you tell someone 'I'm from the internet', instead of laughing they just ask 'oh, what part?'} \poster{Code Talkers}{code_talkers.png}{As far as I can tell, Navajo doesn't have a common word for 'zero'. do-neh-lini means 'neutral'.} \poster{Conspiracy Theories}{conspiracy_theories.png}{There are a lot of graduate-educated young-earth creationists.} \poster{Clich\&eacute;d Exchanges}{cliched_exchanges.png}{It's like they say, you gotta fight fire with clich\&eacute;s.} \poster{The Glass Necklace}{the_glass_necklace.png}{Well, for some value of 'actually work'.} \poster{Regarding Mussolini}{regarding_mussolini.png}{Constantly stopping these briefings halfway through is becoming a pain.} \poster{IN UR REALITY}{in_ur_reality.png}{Hey, at least I ran out of staples.} \poster{Certainty}{certainty.png}{a(b+c)=(ab)+(ac). Politicize that, bitches.} \poster{Choices: Part 1}{choices_part_1.jpg}{Wait, damn, I think I spotted a new email on the last refresh.} \poster{Choices: Part 2}{choices_part_2.jpg}{Maybe someday I'll get to write the Wikipedia article about this place! Wait, damn, original research.} \poster{Choices: Part 3}{choices_part_3.jpg}{Wait, this is space -- how are you talking to me? And, as an afterthought, what's up with the hole in reality?} \poster{Choices: Part 4}{choices_part_4.jpg}{Making out with yourself: now an official xkcd theme? Troubling.} \poster{Choices: Part 5}{choices_part_5.png}{I wonder what percentage of not-obviously-busy people on the street would say yes to kite-flying with a stranger. This looks like a job for Science!} \poster{TCMP}{tcmp.png}{A big obstacle in experimenting with the mind's dream-simulation-engine is holding onto the details as you wake up. With TCMP you can bring back any information you want.} \poster{Merlin}{merlin.png}{I mean, the black-and-white stuff was running backward, but it hardly mattered to the story.} \poster{Powers of One}{powers_of_one.png}{It's kinda Zen when you think about it, if you don't think too hard.} \poster{Linux User at Best Buy}{linux_user_at_best_buy.png}{We actually stand around the antivirus displays with the Mac users just waiting for someone to ask.} \poster{Electromagnetic Spectrum}{electromagnetic_spectrum_small.png}{Sometimes I try to picture what everything would look like if the whole spectrum were compressed into the visible spectrum. Also sometimes I try to picture your sister naked.} \poster{With Apologies to The Who}{with_apologies_to_the_who.png}{Trivia: Roger Daltry originally wrote 'Don't try an' Digg what we all say' but erased the second 'g' when he moved to reddit.} \poster{Thoughts}{thoughts.png}{And now I might never get to again.} \poster{Fixed Width}{fixed_width.png}{I wish I knew how to quit this so I wouldn't have to quit you.} \poster{Long Light}{long_light.png}{You can look at practically any part of anything manmade around you and think 'some engineer was frustrated while designing this.' It's a little human connection.} \poster{Black Hat Support}{black_hat_support.png}{So as not to leave you hanging -- it was a problem with select() calls.} \poster{Pickup Lines}{pickup_lines.png}{That shirt looks good on you, but it would look even better stuffed into the neck of a vodka bottle and flung burning through our office building's window. Let's fucking do it and never look back.} \poster{Librarians}{librarians.png}{Don't expect any leniency on late fees, though.} \poster{Online Package Tracking}{online_package_tracking.png}{I don't even *want* this package! Why did I join the stinging insect of the month club, anyway?} \poster{Organic Fuel}{organic_fuel.png}{I have nothing to apologize for.} \poster{Projection}{projection.png}{Out in a field, not another car for miles, silence but for the rain drumming on the sunroof, warm thick folds of the blanket hiding wordless fingertip games ...} \poster{Tape Measure}{tape_measure.png}{This sequence was later reproduced in the International Tape-Extending Federation archives, retitled 'The Founding of the Sport'.} \poster{Wikipedian Protester}{wikipedian_protester.png}{SEMI-PROTECT THE CONSTITUTION} \poster{All Your Base}{all_your_base.png}{The AYB retro-return-date (Zero Wing Zero Hour) should be around AD 2021.} \poster{NP-Complete}{np_complete.png}{General solutions get you a 50\% tip.} \poster{Elevator}{elevator.jpg}{Quick, try it with 'LOVE'.} \poster{Alone}{alone.png}{Worries assuaged, the numbers become less important than your touches.} \poster{Fucking Blue Shells}{fucking_blue_shells.png}{You can evade blue shells in Double Dash, but it is deep magic.} \poster{Dignified}{dignified.png}{'I don't know, why is your beret staying on your head?' 'Staples.'} \poster{goto}{goto.png}{Neal Stephenson thinks it's cute to name his labels 'dengo'} \poster{RTFM}{rtfm.png}{Life is too short for man pages, but occasionally much too short without them.} \poster{Bookstore}{bookstore.png}{You can search it if you want, but you may want to skip the memories of your mom.} \poster{DNE}{dne.png}{I've seen advertisers put their URLs on chalkboards, encircled with a DNE. They went unerased for months. If you see this, feel free to replace the URL with xkcd.com.} \poster{Tony Hawk}{tony_hawk.png}{Bad idea \#271: Dropping into the half-pipe on a Segway.} \poster{Lisp Cycles}{lisp_cycles.png}{I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the MIT computer science program permamently.} \poster{Tesla Coil}{tesla_coil.png}{For scientists, this can be the hardest thing about dreams.} \poster{Aeris Dies}{aeris_dies.png}{It's bad enough that all the families in your Sims are just you and Maggie recreated over and over.} \poster{Facebook}{facebook.png}{'Here, I'll put my number in your cell pho -- wait, why is it already here?'} \poster{Limerick}{limerick.png}{Fun game: try to post a YouTube comment so stupid that people realize you must be joking. (Hint: this is impossible)} \poster{Names}{names.png}{I'm always so happy that I successfully navigated the introduction that I completely forget to pay attention to the name the other person told me.} \poster{Compiling}{compiling.png}{'Are you stealing those LCDs?' 'Yeah, but I'm doing it while my code compiles.'} \poster{Nighttime Stories}{nighttime_stories.jpg}{Cue angry letters from all seven fans of Xenocide.} \poster{Rule 34}{rule_34.png}{Okay, Lance. For entry into the college bowl, spell 'Throbbing'} \poster{Orphaned Projects}{orphaned_projects.png}{His date works for Red Hat, who hired a coach for her, too. He advised her to 'rent lots of movies like Hitch. Guys love those.'} \poster{Excessive Quotation}{excessive_quotation.png}{Unfortunately for her, real Star Wars fans are attracted to a gal with a good force choke.} \poster{Interesting Life}{interesting_life.png}{Quick, fashion a climbing harness out of cat-6 cable and follow me down.} \poster{Shopping Teams}{shopping_teams.png}{I am never going out to buy an air conditioner with my sysadmin again.} \poster{Commitment}{commitment.png}{Could be worse. The last guy in that situation fell for one of the transient trumpeting angels.} \poster{Action Movies}{action_movies.png}{By my count, only 48 of the 158 minutes in Live Free or Die Hard have action. That's pathetic, guys. Crank is better, but needs a bigger budget and more Summer Glau.} \poster{With Apologies to Robert Frost}{with_apologies_to_robert_frost.png}{Some say the world will end in fire; some say in segfaults.} \poster{Insomnia}{insomnia.png}{Crap, I have levitation class at 25:131. Better set the alarm to 'cinnamon'.} \poster{Dating Pools}{dating_pools.png}{The full analysis is of course much more complicated, but I can't stay to talk about it because I have a date.} \poster{Braille}{braille.png}{The only big difference I've seen is in colors. Where the regular text reads 'press red button', the braille reads 'press two-inch button'.} \poster{Loud Sex}{loud_sex.png}{Spherical or parabolic reflectors would of course lead to aberrant behavior.} \poster{That Lovin' Feelin'}{that_lovin_feelin.png}{Maybe there's no tenderness in her fingertips either, but at least SHE puts out.} \poster{Nostalgia}{nostalgia.png}{If you don't get this one, don't google it.} \poster{Engineering Hubris}{engineering_hubris.png}{Chuck Jones is a vengeful god.} \poster{28-Hour Day}{28_hour_day.png}{Small print: this schedule will eventually drive one stark raving mad.} \poster{Thighs}{thighs.png}{My thighs have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord?} \poster{Pix Plz}{pix_plz.png}{But one of the regulars in the channel is a girl!} \poster{Ballmer Peak}{ballmer_peak.png}{Apple uses automated schnapps IVs.} \poster{Tapping}{tapping.png}{Sometimes the best fun looks like boredom.} \poster{A-Minus-Minus}{a-minus-minus.png}{You can do this one in every 30 times and still have 97\% positive feedback.} \poster{Effect an Effect}{effect_an_effect.png}{Time to paint another grammarian silhouette on the side of the desktop.} \poster{Exploits of a Mom}{exploits_of_a_mom.png}{Her daughter is named Help I'm trapped in a driver's license factory.} \poster{Eggs}{eggs.png}{Oh, yeah, we get tons of them at these casual sex bars.} \poster{Turing Test}{turing_test.png}{Hit Turing right in the test-ees.} \poster{Indecision}{indecision.png}{Hey, I don't make the rules. It's in the book.} \poster{Photoshops}{photoshops.png}{When I look into your eyes, I see JPEG artifacts. I can tell by the pixels that we're wrong for each other.} \poster{Gyroscopes}{gyroscopes.png}{We didn't actually land on the moon -- it just looked like we did because of precession. Also, gyroscopes caused 9/11.} \poster{Getting Out of Hand}{getting_out_of_hand.png}{Wikipedia's role as brain-extension, while a little troubling, is also really cool.} \poster{Wasteland}{wasteland.png}{You make forgetting look so easy.} \poster{Mattress}{mattress.png}{The TempurPedic wineglass guy broke his ankle.} \poster{Priorities}{priorities.png}{You should start giving out 'E's so I can spell FACADE or DEFACED.} \poster{Post Office Showdown}{post_office_showdown.png}{That track ('Battle Without Honor or Humanity') -- like 'Ride of the Valkyries' -- improves *any* activity.} \poster{Future}{future.png}{But the past was much too cramped!} \poster{Classic}{classic.png}{Someone get that Pachelbel's Canon kid a recording contract, stat.} \poster{Fight}{fight.png}{And she put sweet nothings in all my .conf files. It'll take me forever to get X working again.} \poster{1337: Part 1}{1337_part_1.png}{If you're not cool enough to do it manually, you can look up tools like Upside-Down-Ternet for playing games with people on your wifi.} \poster{1337: Part 2}{1337_part_2.png}{Trivia: Elaine is actually her middle name.} \poster{1337: Part 3}{1337_part_3.png}{I once asked an NSA guy whether they'd broken RSA. And I know I can trust him, because I asked if he was lying to me and he said no.} \poster{1337: Part 4}{1337_part_4.png}{Mrs. Roberts would have gotten up sooner, of course, but she was busy piping find \~ and find \~nomad into xargs shred, just in case.} \poster{1337: Part 5}{1337_part_5.png}{This digital music thing will probably reach its endgame sometime in the next decade or so. These are very exciting times.} \poster{Diet Coke+Mentos}{diet_coke_mentos.png}{The cola+Mentos trick is up there with corn starch+water (vibrating platter optional) in scientific coolness out of common kitchen supplies.} \poster{Brick Archway}{brick_archway.png}{The TI-86 was bad enough. I don't know how I'd have gotten through high school if I'd had a laptop+wifi.} \poster{Close to You}{close_to_you.png}{We should probably talk about this before the wedding.} \poster{Success}{success.png}{40\% of OpenBSD installs lead to shark attacks. It's their only standing security issue.} \poster{Network}{network.png}{Viruses so far have been really disappointing on the 'disable the internet' front, and time is running out. When Linux/Mac win in a decade or so the game will be over.} \poster{Trolling}{trolling.png}{And I was really impressed with how they managed to shock the Goatse guy.} \poster{Far Away}{far_away.png}{Sometimes an impulsive 2:00 AM cross-country trip is the only solution.} \poster{Python}{python.png}{I wrote 20 short programs in Python yesterday. It was wonderful. Perl, I'm leaving you.} \poster{Startling}{startling.png}{We actually reached the future about three years ago.} \poster{Couple}{couple.png}{Facebook defines relationships. 'Yeah, we would have broken up last night, but the net connection was down.'} \poster{Nerd Sniping}{nerd_sniping.png}{I first saw this problem on the Google Labs Aptitude Test. A professor and I filled a blackboard without getting anywhere. Have fun.} \poster{Flies}{flies.png}{I don't know about houseflies, but we definitely caught a lot of fruit flies with our vinegar bowl. Hooray science!} \poster{Loud Party}{loud_party.png}{I'm glad this is so much fun because I'm not sure how we're getting down.} \poster{Rock Band}{rock_band.png}{I'm gonna have to add something to the strum bar so it makes a clicky sound like the old controllers. I'm so used to the feedback; the silence throws me off.} \poster{Writers Strike}{writers_strike.png}{He's just jealous because everyone's up in the attic listening to Stephen Colbert.} \poster{Christmas Back Home}{christmas_back_home.png}{Family going to bed at 10 PM is so much worse than jet lag.} \poster{Blade Runner}{blade_runner.png}{Blade Runner: Classic, but incredibly slow.} \poster{Reset}{reset.png}{Clearance for this Sign: 11 Feet} \poster{Responsible Behavior}{responsible_behavior.png}{Never bring tequila to a key-signing party.} \poster{Slides}{slides.png}{Did you know they can actually physically throw you out of SIGGRAPH?} \poster{Your Mom}{your_mom.png}{'It's either 'your mom' jokes or me' 'Then I, like so many men before me, must reluctantly choose your mom.'} \poster{Fandom}{fandom.png}{Ron Paul wants to put the New Republic back on the Corusca gem standard.} \poster{Bass}{bass.png}{And sometimes I use it to retaliate against the guy upstairs with the loud girlfriend and the elliptical dish.} \poster{Dangers}{dangers.png}{Zero results: 'snake charming' and 'haberdashery'. (Things like 'car' and 'boating' and such are of course the highest, by a huge margin.)} \poster{Redwall}{redwall.png}{My Redwall/Jurassic Park crossover fanfic is almost complete!} \poster{Compiler Complaint}{compiler_complaint.png}{Checking whether build environment is sane ... build environment is grinning and holding a spatula. Guess not.} \poster{To Be Wanted}{to_be_wanted.png}{Or so I hope?} \poster{The Data So Far}{the_data_so_far.png}{But THIS guy, he might be for real!} \poster{Journal}{journal.png}{And the journal is filled with all the things I'd say to her if I were nice like you. I burn it when it's full.} \poster{Pod Bay Doors}{pod_bay_doors.png}{As they're both unplugged, they do a lovely Daisy Daisy/Still Alive duet.} \poster{Bug}{bug.png}{The universe started in 1970. Anyone claiming to be over 38 is lying about their age.} \poster{Journal 2}{journal_2.png}{That's my hat! You took my hat!} \poster{Real Programmers}{real_programmers.png}{Real programmers set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want.} \poster{Forgetting}{forgetting.png}{Of course, the assert doesn't work.} \poster{Emoticon}{emoticon.png}{U+FDD0 is actually Unicode for the eye of the basilisk, though for safety reasons no font actually renders it.} \poster{Mobius Battle}{mobius_battle.png}{Films need to do this more, if only to piss off the people who have to feed it into the projector.} \poster{Trebuchet}{trebuchet.png}{It was also fun when those teenagers tried to egg our house and it insta-cooked the eggs in mid-air.} \poster{Helping}{helping.png}{Oh, look, the 'make everything better' button was here behind the bookshelf all along.} \poster{The Drake Equation}{the_drake_equation.png}{But seriously, there's loads of intelligent life. It's just not screaming constantly in all directions on the handful of frequencies we search.} \poster{How it Works}{how_it_works.png}{It's pi plus C, of course.} \poster{Duty Calls}{duty_calls.png}{What do you want me to do? LEAVE? Then they'll keep being wrong!} \poster{Advanced Technology}{advanced_technology.png}{We are sexy, sexy Von Neumann machines.} \poster{Fuck Grapefruit}{fuck_grapefruit.png}{Coconuts are so far down to the left they couldn't be fit on the chart. Ever spent half an hour trying to open a coconut with a rock? Fuck coconuts.} \poster{Keeping Time}{keeping_time.png}{You can identify them ahead-of-time -- they lead with their left foot when the music starts.} \poster{Nightmares}{nightmares.png}{Well, *I* think I'm real. Look at me. Look at my face. Cut me and I'll bleed. What more do you want? Please don't go.} \poster{Anti-Mindvirus}{anti_mind_virus.png}{I'm as surprised as you! I didn't think it was possible.} \poster{Making Rules}{making_rules.png}{I never understood why someone would expect me to accept their rules right after they'd punched me. I'm sure it's all very symbolic or something.} \poster{Ultimate Game}{ultimate_game.png}{RIP, Gary.} \poster{Kilobyte}{kilobyte.png}{I would take 'kibibyte' more seriously if it didn't sound so much like 'Kibbles N Bits'.} \poster{Morning}{morning.png}{I'd press on them to try to unstick them, but I can't reach. Can we try cycling day and night really fast?} \poster{The Ring}{the_ring.png}{On the other hand, poor Samara -- transcoded to FLV. No one deserves that.} \poster{Unscientific}{unscientific.png}{Last week, we busted the myth that electroweak gauge symmetry is broken by the Higgs mechanism. We'll also examine the existence of God and whether true love exists.} \poster{Tap That Ass}{tap_that_ass.png}{Hey, when you're done draining the syrup, just leave the hole, okay?} \poster{Travelling Salesman Problem}{travelling_salesman_problem.png}{What's the complexity class of the best linear programming cutting-plane techniques? I couldn't find it anywhere. Man, the Garfield guy doesn't have these problems ...} \poster{Important Life Lesson}{important_life_lesson.png}{I didn't even know I *had* the Monty Python 'Lumberjack' song.} \poster{Large Hadron Collider}{large_hadron_collider.png}{When charged particles of more than 5 TeV pass through a bubble chamber, they leave a trail of candy.} \poster{1,000 Miles North}{1000_miles_north.png}{Twister would've been a much better movie if they'd cut out the bad-guy storm chaser and all the emotional romance crap. All you need for a good movie are tornados and scientists. Actually, that's all you need for anything.} \poster{Convincing Pickup Line}{convincing_pickup_line.png}{Check it out; I've had sex with someone who's had sex with someone who's written a paper with Paul Erdős!} \poster{Journal 3}{journal_3.png}{Oh, and, uh, if the Russian government asks, that submarine was always there.} \poster{Venting}{venting.png}{P.P.S. I can kill you with my brain.} \poster{Cheap GPS}{cheap_gps.png}{In lieu of mapping software, I once wrote a Perl program which, given a USB GPS receiver and a destination, printed 'LEFT' 'RIGHT' OR 'STRAIGHT' based on my heading.} \poster{Overqualified}{overqualified.png}{To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story.} \poster{Electric Skateboard (Double Comic)}{electric_skateboard_double_comic.png}{Unsafe vehicles, hills, and philosophy go hand in hand.} \poster{Math Paper}{math_paper.png}{That's nothing. I once lost my genetics, rocketry, and stripping licenses in a single incident.} \poster{Techno}{techno.png}{I don't know what's worse -- that there exists broken-hard-drive-sound techno, or that it's not half bad.} \poster{Startled}{startled.png}{...} \poster{New Pet}{new_pet.png}{ONE LAPTOP PER HAMSTER!} \poster{Mistranslations}{mistranslations.png}{Oh, I think this word might mean 'Crisco'!} \poster{Restraining Order}{restraining_order.png}{On Mondays I go running, so you'll have to get up early and follow along on a parallel street. What fun!} \poster{Zealous Autoconfig}{zealous_autoconfig.png}{I hear this is an option in the latest Ubuntu release.} \poster{The Man Who Fell Sideways}{the_man_who_fell_sideways.png}{Strip originally conceived in conversation with Jeph Jacques. Soon to be a major motion picture.} \poster{Stove Ownership}{stove_ownership.png}{Although maybe it's just a phase, like freshman year of college when I realized I could just buy frosting in a can.} \poster{Forks and Spoons}{forks_and_spoons.png}{Their biggest mistake was bringing Rachael Ray and Emeril to tour the lab and sign off on the project. That's when Spielberg caught wind of it.} \poster{Jealousy}{jealousy.png}{Oh, huh, so you didn't know that story?} \poster{Making Hash Browns}{making_hash_browns.png}{There are at least fourteen ways this could go badly (seventeen if that fork is a dangerous crossbreed.)} \poster{A Better Idea}{a_better_idea.png}{It's *almost* enough to make me want to redo high school.} \poster{Finish Line}{finish_line.png}{The question with Lucy and the football was always whether, on some level, she believed the things she said.} \poster{Security Holes}{security_holes.png}{True story: I had to try several times to upload this comic because my ssh key was blacklisted.} \poster{Fortune Cookies}{fortune_cookies.png}{'You will have hot, steamy, sweaty sex ... IN BED!'} \poster{Geohashing}{geohashing.png}{Saturday is game night.} \poster{Bad Timing}{bad_timing.png}{Protip: Even without the red spiders, never have that conversation halfway through a balloon ride.} \poster{Starwatching}{starwatching.png}{I always figured the word 'blog' would sound *less* silly as the years went by.} \poster{Fantasy}{fantasy.png}{I guess if she accepted irrational realities, she'd hardly be my fantasy.} \poster{Every Damn Morning}{every_damn_morning.png}{There was something about a cup and a sword and a tree and a green hill ...} \poster{Delivery}{delivery.png}{Ma'am, I admit that wasn't in the best taste, but you have to admire my delivery! Ha ha, get it? Oh God, don't throw those syringes! Your baby's fine!} \poster{Journal 4}{journal_4.png}{Man, this emo shit was supposed to be for people who didn't have hats.} \poster{Journal 5}{journal_5.png}{'Pick you up at eight?' 'Nine. I've got to re-mine the driveway.'} \poster{xkcd Goes to the Airport}{xkcd_goes_to_the_airport.png}{Under three ounces, but it stains panties.} \poster{Purity}{purity.png}{On the other hand, physicists like to say physics is to math as sex is to masturbation.} \poster{How it Happened}{how_it_happened.png}{I was there, dude.} \poster{SUV}{suv.png}{Electric skateboards, by cost, get the equivalent of about 300 miles per gallon. Lithium batteries just need to get cheaper.} \poster{Internet Argument}{internet_argument.png}{It's easier to be an asshole to words than to people.} \poster{Thinking Ahead}{thinking_ahead.png}{Did he just go crazy and jump out the window?} \poster{Road Rage}{road_rage.png}{Okay, now just as the loss hits him, slam on the brakes.} \poster{Babies}{babies.png}{I bet my future kids will read this someday. DEAR FUTURE KIDS: how did you get internet in the cellar?} \poster{xkcd Loves the Discovery Channel}{xkcd_loves_the_discovery_channel.png}{I love the title-text!} \poster{Know Your Vines}{know_your_vines.png}{Friggin' modern tents don't have a single piece of rope.} \poster{Macgyver Gets Lazy}{macgyver_gets_lazy.png}{At the time of this writing, Wikipedia has a wonderful article titled 'List of problems solved by Macgyver'.} \poster{I Am Not Good with Boomerangs}{i_am_not_good_with_boomerangs.png}{Bonus strip: just read the rightmost panels straight down.} \poster{In Popular Culture}{in_popular_culture.png}{Someday the 'in popular culture' section will have its own article with an 'in popular culture' section. It will reference this title-text referencing it, and the blogosphere will implode.} \poster{Too Old For This Shit}{too_old_for_this_shit.png}{They say if a mathematician doesn't do their great work by age eleven, they never will.} \poster{Good Morning}{good_morning.png}{As my standard, I use going to sleep at midnight and waking up at 8 AM.} \poster{Things Fall Apart}{things_fall_apart.png}{'I'm nothing without you' is a fucked-up sentiment.} \poster{The Sea}{the_sea.png}{And then a second one, to drain the sea.} \poster{Impostor}{impostor.png}{If you think this is too hard on literary criticism, read the Wikipedia article on deconstruction.} \poster{Mission}{mission.png}{Don't you know? The chances of a random object being a scone are about one in six.} \poster{Upcoming Hurricanes}{upcoming_hurricanes.png}{I'd like to see more damage assessments for hurricanes hitting New York and flooding Manhattan -- something like the 1938 Long Island Express, but aimed a bit more to the west. It's just a matter of time.} \poster{Rewiring}{rewiring.png}{My friend Elizabeth tried to mail one end of the cable to me and thread the mail system.} \poster{Hats}{hats.png}{...} \poster{Cautionary}{cautionary.png}{This really is a true story, and she doesn't know I put it in my comic because her wifi hasn't worked for weeks.} \poster{Frustration}{frustration.png}{'Don't worry, I can do it in under a minute.' 'Yes, I've noticed.'} \poster{Regrets}{regrets.png}{And nothing for 'I'm glad I saw Epic Movie.'} \poster{Holy Ghost}{holy_ghost.png}{Okay, everyone, cross yourselves, then cross the streams.} \poster{Paleontology}{paleontology.png}{Dinosaurs totally jumped the ichthyosaur when they got rid of Brontosaurus.} \poster{Google Maps}{google_maps.png}{Apparently Google assumes you're traveling during the ferry's normal operating hours. We lost two hours circling that damn lake (to say nothing of the Straw Man).} \poster{Freemanic Paracusia}{freemanic_paracusia.png}{It's amazing what it does for YouTube comments.} \poster{Voting Machines}{voting_machines.png}{And that's *another* crypto conference I've been kicked out of. C'mon, it's a great analogy!} \poster{RBA}{rba.png}{This is a story all about how I started drinking.} \poster{Quantum Teleportation}{quantum_teleportation.png}{Science should be exactly as cool as the headlines sound. Like the 'RUSSIANS CUT APART AND REASSEMBLE DOGS' thing.} \poster{Moving}{moving.png}{We need a special holiday to honor the countless kind souls with unsecured networks named 'linksys'.} \poster{X Girls Y Cups}{x_girls_y_cups.png}{Also no results: 1girl10000cups, 2girls(5+3i)cups, 65536girls65536cups, or 3frenchhens2turtledoves1cup.} \poster{Fetishes}{fetishes.png}{They eventually resolved this self-reference, but Cantor's 'everything-in-the-fetish-book-twice' parties finally sunk the idea.} \poster{Improvised}{improvised.png}{Oh, your brother is Luke. Sorry, should've mentioned that first.} \poster{The End is Not for a While}{the_end_is_not_for_a_while.png}{I THINK EVERYONE INVOLVED HERE IS CUTE.} \poster{Aversion Fads}{aversion_fads.png}{Hey, are you friends with any hamsters? This kite needs a passenger.} \poster{\<span style=\"color: \#0000ED\"\>House\</span\> of Pancakes}{house_of_pancakes.png}{Fuck it. I'm just going to Waffle House.} \poster{Still Raw}{still_raw.png}{We actually divorced once over the airplane/treadmill argument. (Preemptive response to the inevitable threads arguing about it: you're all wrong on the internet.)} \poster{Turn-On}{turn-on.png}{Supercollider? I 'ardly know 'er!} \poster{Further Boomerang Difficulties}{further_boomerang_difficulties.png}{An eternity later, the universe having turned out to have positive curvature and lots of mass, the boomerang hits him in the back of the head.} \poster{One-Sided}{one-sided.png}{He continued, 'Okay, Bernanke is uncontaminated. Find a crossbow and get him into position behind one of the columns at the Fed entrance. This is gonna get ugly.'} \poster{Typewriter}{typewriter.png}{Somewhere in the world, my actual grandmothers are reading this and angrily exclaiming that I never write even malformed thank-you notes. DEAR GRANDMOMS: I AM SORRY! YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE AND THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. LOVE reddit.com RANDALL.} \poster{The Staple Madness}{the_staple_madness.png}{Staple guns: because duct tape can't make that 'kaCHUNK' noise.} \poster{Tones}{tones.png}{I need a lawn, so I can yell at kids to stay off it.} \poster{Spore}{spore.png}{Way to not support the GMA 950 under OS X, Spore. :(} \poster{Listen to Yourself}{listen_to_yourself.png}{Man, I just wanted to know how babby was formed.} \poster{Height}{height.png}{Interestingly, on a true vertical log plot, I think the Eiffel Tower's sides really would be straight lines.} \poster{Fiction Rule of Thumb}{fiction_rule_of_thumb.png}{Except for anything by Lewis Carroll or Tolkien, you get five made-up words per story. I'm looking at you, Anathem.} \poster{Flash Games}{flash_games.png}{Although ... who else can't wait for them to incorporate that Wiimote head-tracking stuff into games? Man, the future's gonna be *awesome*.} \poster{Depth}{depth.png}{The Planck length is another thousand or two pixels below the comic.} \poster{I am Not a Ninja}{i_am_not_a_ninja.png}{'The sad thing is that I just wanted to talk about your poor smoke-bomb techniques.'} \poster{Numerical Sex Positions}{numerical_sex_positions.png}{We didn't even get to the continued fractions!} \poster{Steal This Comic}{steal_this_comic.png}{I spent more time trying to get an audible.com audio book playing than it took to listen to the book. I have lost every other piece of DRM-locked music I have paid for.} \poster{Going West}{going_west.png}{Listen, they request that you stop submitting a listing for your house labeled 'WHERE YOU BROKE MY HEART'.} \poster{Morning Routine}{morning_routine.png}{I had a really hard time not writing '... profit!'} \poster{Twitter}{twitter.png}{If long tooltips / cut off for you / then upgrade from / Firefox 2 / Burma Shave} \poster{Scrabble}{scrabble.png}{A veteran Scrabble player will spot the 'OSTRICH' option.} \poster{Actuarial}{actuarial.png}{I started to do the tables for more famous people but it got really depressing and morbid and I had to go outside. Hat guy wins again.} \poster{Secretary: Part 1}{secretary_part_1.png}{The blueprints for the Department of the Internet offices call for Ceiling Cat-themed sprinkler heads.} \poster{Secretary: Part 2}{secretary_part_2.png}{That helmet won't save him.} \poster{Secretary: Part 3}{secretary_part_3.png}{He actually installed each piece in a different car in the lot, then built a new car in the spot from the displaced pieces. It's a confusing maneuver known as the auto-troll shuffle.} \poster{Secretary: Part 4}{secretary_part_4.png}{It's time to draw the line.} \poster{Secretary: Part 5}{secretary_part_5.png}{And they choose Al Gore as Internet Secretary.} \poster{Scantron}{scantron.png}{Also, after all the warnings about filling in the bubbles completely, I spent like 30 seconds on each one.} \poster{Election}{election.png}{Someday I'll be rich enough to hire Nate Silver to help make all my life decisions. 'Should I sleep with her?' 'Well, I'm showing a 35\% chance it will end badly.'} \poster{Faust 2.0}{faust_20.png}{The only blood these contracts are signed in is from me cutting my hand trying to open the goddamn CD case.} \poster{Dark Flow}{dark_flow.png}{The Pioneer anomaly is due to the force of my love.} \poster{Terminology}{terminology.png}{Also, is it just me, or do Japan and New Zealand look suspiciously similar? Has anyone seen them at a party together?} \poster{Legal Hacks}{legal_hacks.png}{It's totally a reasonable modern analogue. Jefferson would have been all about crypto.} \poster{A Bunch of Rocks}{a_bunch_of_rocks.png}{I call Rule 34 on Wolfram's Rule 34.} \poster{Theft of the Magi}{theft_of_the_magi.png}{Every Roomba needs a dueling harness.} \poster{Experimentation}{experimentation.png}{I understand large sample sizes are key to a low standard error of the mean, but the entire sophomore class?} \poster{Drapes}{drapes.png}{Wait, what?} \poster{Induced Current}{induced_current.png}{The MythBusters need to tackle whether a black hole from the LHC could REALLY destroy the world.} \poster{Egg Drop Failure}{egg_drop_failure.png}{I hear my brother Ricky won his school's egg drop by leaving the egg inside the hen.} \poster{Sleet}{sleet.png}{I mean, I can barely hear myself complaining about Battlestar Galactica.} \poster{Alternate Currency}{alternate_currency.png}{For the first time ever, the phrase 'I'd like to thank everyone at 4chan for making me successful and happy' is uttered.} \poster{Friends}{friends.png}{Friends with detriments.} \poster{Simultaneous}{simultaneous.png}{I'm leaving you for your twin. He's more mature than you by now.} \poster{No One Must Know}{no_one_must_know.png}{Or perhaps they knew he was there, and were just trying to torment him first.} \poster{Wood Chips}{wood_chips.png}{You didn't run a chemical analysis against the Shroud of Turin? Man, all that work for NOTHING.} \poster{Marshmallow Gun}{marshmallow_gun.png}{Except in reality crossing a stream of marshmallows would create a giant Bill Murray.} \poster{Flow Charts}{flow_charts.png}{At 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from FreeBSD to Microsoft Bob. C'mon, it'll be fun!} \poster{11th Grade}{11th_grade.png}{And the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined.} \poster{Cuttlefish}{cuttlefish.png}{Unless the CS students finish the robot revolution before you finish the cephalopod one.} \poster{2008 Christmas Special}{2008_christmas_special.png}{'How could you possibly think typing 'import skynet' was a good idea?'} \poster{Google Trends}{google_trends.png}{Obama has been writing Lincoln/Obama erotic fan fiction on his secret livejournal. Excerpt: Lincoln lay back on the bed, nude save for his trademark stovepipe hat. 'Tell me,' he purred seductively, as he and Obama formed a more perfect union. 'When you come, is it 10\% ethanol?'} \poster{Decline}{decline.png}{'There's also a spike on the Fourier transform at the one-month mark where --' 'You want to stop talking right now.'} \poster{Party}{party.png}{I wonder what 2008 meme will go bizarrely mainstream in 2009 like Rickrolling did 2007-2008. I Accidentally \<noun\>? Yo dawg? Place your bets now!} \poster{I Know You're Listening}{i_know_youre_listening.png}{It's basically Pascal's Wager for the paranoid prankster.} \poster{Converting to Metric}{converting_to_metric.png}{According to River, 'adequate' vacuuming systems drain the human body at about half a liter per second.} \poster{Keynote}{keynote.png}{He should be better soon -- now that the Apple Store is getting rid of DRM, Cory Doctorow will get rid of his Steve Jobs voodoo doll.} \poster{Windows 7}{windows_7.png}{Disclaimer: I have not actually tried the beta yet. I hear it's quite pleasant and hardly Hitler-y at all.} \poster{Sledding Discussion}{sledding_discussion.png}{If you get your hands on that one, it's the worst place to have a breaking-up conversation.} \poster{I'm An Idiot}{im_an_idiot.png}{Sadly, this is a true story. At least I learned about the OS X 'say' command.} \poster{Contingency Plan}{contingency_plan.png}{Kids are genetic experiments. We're just experimenting responsibly!} \poster{Piano}{piano.png}{Good thing he didn't make it smaller, or it'd need someone three inches tall to play it.} \poster{Laptop Hell}{laptop_hell.png}{The xkcd.com sysadmin has a Q2010, and I can attest that it can handle a fall down several flight of concrete steps. Relatedly, he's upset with me -- I hope he doesn't take revenge by messing with my site's contenDISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS} \poster{Genetic Algorithms}{genetic_algorithms.png}{Just make sure you don't have it maximize instead of minimize.} \poster{It Might Be Cool}{it_might_be_cool.png}{'And ovaries. Man, ovaries, huh?' [awkward pause] '... faithfully.'} \poster{Space Elevators}{space_elevators.png}{If you think space elevators are good, but just too boring and practical, check out the 'space fountain'.} \poster{Ducklings}{ducklings.png}{DUCKLOOP'D?} \end{document} --------------040605000802080603060501--